Tag Archive | tips

3 ways to stave off drought

It seems a drought is on the cards.

What can we do to prevent it?  The media is full of handy tips – flush the loo only when essential, don’t shave your legs in the shower and drink wine instead of water.

(OK, I admit I made the wine one up.)

I’d like to contribute three more suggestions:

  1. Invest in a new barbecue and set of outdoor furniture.
  2. Book a summer holiday in the UK, preferably camping.
  3. Decommission your tumble-dryer and peg washing out on the line instead.

All will cause, at the least, persistent drizzle.  For truly dramatic results, go for number 3.

Hanging out washing is guaranteed – and I have years of personal experience to back this up – to bring on a deluge that will give way to sun only once your sodden clothes are back inside the house, sloshing around hopelessly in the dryer or dripping from radiators onto your nice carpets.

So come on, everyone.  We don’t want a repeat of 1976.  Remember?  Those long, lazy, hazy, crazy days of real summer?  Er, I mean that dreadful drought that was, you know, really bad and everything?

Indeed not.  Time to get serious and do one’s bit.

10 easy ways to embarrass your teenage son

Life is hard.  So it’s reassuring to know one thing at least remains easy:  embarrassing your teenage son.

The most obvious approach is to display any kind of affection towards him in public.  Even smiling does the trick.

Less obvious but just as easy are the following:

  1. Wave when driving past him at a bus stop.
  2. Use the word disco.
  3. Turn up to watch him in a school rugby match.
  4. Tell a joke.
  5. Chat to his friends about girls.
  6. Express delight at anything.
  7. Make friendly conversation with a young shop assistant.
  8. Suggest he’ll be warmer with another layer.
  9. Sing along to the radio.
  10. Wear a hat.

These tips are tried, tested and guaranteed to work.

If you can find a way of doing them all in one go, I salute you.